A Most Excellent Day!

Yesterday was a great day. I read the New York times early, worked out, Played with Boy, who pooped outside! Good Boy! I had breakfast in bed, then went to church, met Rog new squeeze, Sat with Kat, listened to my ex girlfriend preach, lunched with Brownie, shopped, Ran into my arch nemesis: Miguel, from La Boerdrs, then played with Cleo, cleaned the Brownie house, went off to Black's for Dinner, played with Connie and now I am finally resting at home, this was a most excellent day!

Today we are still registering the heathen, and then I am off to Borders to work in the stacks.

Cleaning and getting Boy all settled in

This is the first saturday that I've had in a couple of weeks. I have $money saved for court cost. The hearing is wednesday. It might get continued due to a bad judge. Who knows. Boy has been horrible as of late. He peed all over my bathroom. Had to wash the shower curtain. I blame myself since I wasn't watching. Going to church tomorrow and hanging with Blueyes.

Psalm 39

Psalm 39
A David psalm 1I'm determined to watch steps and tongue so they won't land me in trouble.
I decided to hold my tongue
as long as Wicked is in the room.
2"Mum's the word," I said, and kept quiet.
But the longer I kept silence
The worse it got--
3my insides got hotter and hotter.
My thoughts boiled over;
I spilled my guts.

4"Tell me, what's going on, GOD?
How long do I have to live?
Give me the bad news!
5You've kept me on pretty short rations;
my life is string too short to be saved.
6Oh! we're all puffs of air.
Oh! we're all shadows in a campfire.
Oh! we're just spit in the wind.
We make our pile, and then we leave it.

7"What am I doing in the meantime, Lord?
Hoping, that's what I'm doing--hoping
8You'll save me from a rebel life,
save me from the contempt of dunces.

If You Give a Monkey A Cookie He never Goes Home.

I am exhausted from registration and we still have eight days to go. I worked 12 students today and my brain is fried. I am going home and tucking in bed.

EEK!

EEEK is what monkeys say when stressed out. I am tired of the sillyness at work. Wish I could wish these troubles away. I had dinner with Blueyes it was comforting. Went to Atecs last night. What a rouse and rip off.

Nervous Pisser

I have determined that there is something wrong with boy. Whenever he greets me or gets overly excited he pisses himself. Interestingly enough it is a small squirt rather than a full blown piss. I wonder if this pup was abused. I have seen this before with Napoleon my Uncle martin's dog. The dog always got himself into trouble and was a nervous pisser leaving piddles and puddles, whenever you were to greet him or play with him.

Last night I worked Borders and then came home and noticed how boy would piss all over when greeting me at the door. I felt bad that he was conditioned in such an abusive manner. I have my last Atecs class tonight. It is over.

10 Ways to Piss Off your Academic Advisor

10. Forget your scheduled appointment, then try to bully him to schedule another one.
9. Not have a clue about why you are meeting with your academic advisor at 8:30 AM.
8. Come to the meeting without a plan, or idea of what your major requirements are for your plan of study.
7. Fall asleep on his desk and whine incesantly about how hard Freshman Studies is as a freshman course.
6. Show up to your appointment late, demand to be seen immediately and then argue with the academic advisor about your courses because you just aren't feeling them right now.
5. Drag in you whole entire family and the cousins into your advisors office so you can feel supported while choosing your classes.
4. Come to your meeting with shit breath, crusty eyes and smelling funky.
3. Grab off your advisors desk his nameplate and say: "That's Cool!"
2. Don't call or show up to your scheduled appointment and act as if your advisor forgot to remind you to follow up.
1. Take his pen, scheduling matrix and then forget to leave his office after being asked to leave.

Fruity Pebbles

Worked last night in BORDERS after a long testing day. I am fruitty pebbles right now. Not nuts just tired. Rested well after such a busy week tomorrow will be the begining of pre-registration no time like today to catch some xtra sleep.

A Tale, A Tail, A Tell

That wole awake oure felawe al bihynde?
That will awake our fellow far behind us?
A theef myghte hym ful lightly robbe and bynde.
A thief might full easily rob and bind him.
See how he nappeth! See how, for cokkes bones,
See how he naps! See how, for cock's bones,
That he wol falle fro his hors atones!
That he will soon fall from his horse!
Is that a cook of Londoun, with meschaunce?
Is that a cook of London, with bad luck (to him)?
Do hym come forth, he knoweth his penaunce;
Make him come forth, he knows his penance;
For he shal telle a tale, by my fey,
For he shall tell a tale, by my faith

I have always liked Chaucer and how he describes the human condition it is fun how he takes the Tale of the Drunk Cook and he talks about him falling asleep upon his ride. I like the sound of middle english. It is like a song. This verse is symbolic of amny things falling asleep and not taking care of your business is foolish according to Chaucer. So taking that cue I did some research today at the Wake County Website and discovered that I innavertedly did not pay my county vehicle tax. Very Naughty of me! Somewhere in the insanity of registration i missplaced the bill and it did not get paid. Today it was paid and I can be relieved mindful at taking care of my business.

As for a tail...that BOY is a handful! I don't regret taking him in and he is smart as a whip! He went into my closet four nights ago and left me a nasty little gift, I sprayed the area with cleaner, desinfectant and sour apple. I hope this impedes his progress towards further delivery of nastyness. LOL!

I have no desire to date anyone. LOL!

While looking at the taxes for Wake county I was naughty and input other people's names to see what hit. It was a selfish indulgence. Have you paid off all your taxes? Watch out!!! Wake county will add a nasty notice in red under your file. Not fun, more funny!

Finished Rereading A Million Pieces

This book will be known to future generations as a seminal masterpiece of self effacing recovery and absolution. This book has a great deal to offer to anybody who would like to closely examine their addictive behaviors. It is a clear deterrent for the for those who indulge in their addictions. It is a real life story of despair, self examination and recovery. Mostly a painful journey filled with sprinkles of truth, sadness and a brief glimpse to a fully functional family who produces an addict.

The pain that is caused by James to all those around him is of monumental proportions. James becomes disgusted with his behaviors and allows the recovery center to assist him in his struggle with addictions but not without a fight. He is resistant to therapy, caring people and those who offer I hand. I cannot avoid drawing lines of comparison to a friend of mine. His fury "an inner anger, whose begining cannot be defined" is at times ever present. Little to nothing soothes the burning within.

The Exclusion and Absence

Today, I realized that I haven't drank a drop of liquor for six weeks. It has been easy to control it, so I do not think that I was addicted. I do believe in the genetic predisposition for the disease. I have found a clarity unforseen to me. Like a switch that has been tucked away behind a dry wall. I do not feel a strong urge to peel back the plaster and search for the switch to flick it back on. My friend Brownie has also "stoped", he's also become more distant recluse. I believe I am one of his triggers. It is advised in recovery to keep away from people, situations and experiences that might cause a relapse or trigger an undesired reaction. Maybe the therapy, or work has made him more frantic; who knows.

The clarity comes to me and my newly found addiction is granola and yougurt. I am curious as to why this has all taken place, it has been a six week self study. I am still outgoing and fun but more reflective of all that has transpired. I have attended three sessions of Adecs one to go. The realities and the sharing that we do in class is therapeutic but hardly painless.

I look at myself, my behaviors and reactions and find room for improvement and able perform a therapeutic form of self criticism for the choices that I have made. I also realize that this is a lonely journey, that of recovery and self examination. Brownie needs to do this himself if he hopes to come out of this in a more understanding voice of himself and what really has happened. It is not all bad, nor all good. It just is....

I have realized that my life was out of control, unmaneageable and that through God and my daily prayers, I have beeen able to search for strength. I believe that I have found it. The comfort of another person and how they make me feel is still important but at what cost... should I risk my sanity and orderly life to assist another in the journey?

I think yes, a times; but mostly, no. It is not selfishness that encompasses my thoughts. It is sanity and the inability to espouse another crazy person within my circle. I cannot do it and it is my desire to let this be known. It is hard to realize that you once loved a crazy moment; a lust, a deep desire that causes an inner dispair so deeply profound that it cannot be contained within one's soul.

So here I am working on what matters most, fiscal responsibility, myself and my relation to God.

Freeing Up my Weekend

Today I have to go to class so my Saturday is more maneageable. I am working late on Wednesday, doing an academic study skills presentation. Then I work Thursday, Friday and Saturday in Borders. On Thursday I am going off to NCSU to a statewide Latino conference on recruitment. Here is a picture of Boy and he is cute.

I think I will work on teaching him some dog tricks. Boy knows who is the alpha in the house and he always come to me on bended knee. The good thing is that he is a quick learner. He knows the new schedule for walk and he is very sweet at bedtime. He knows when its crate time and he seems to burrow in there when he had done something bad. So far nothing that can't be fixed.

Tonight Mr. Boy did a whole collection of dokkies in my closet this is the second time. What is the attraction to my wardrobe? I had to give him a time-out and did not treat him to treats or spent time hugging him like he likes. Last night I went to my Yoga class. I had to watch the same horrid video and I was bored out of my mind. I know the point of this is education but Whew!

What I am reading?

A Million Little Pieces is as intense and perfectly detailed an account of a human quitting his drug and alcohol dependency as you are likely to read. James Frey is horribly honest and funny in a young-guard Eggers and Wallace sort of way, but perhaps more contained and measured. He is unerring in his descent into a world where the characters need help in such extremely desperate ways.




The Jack Russell Terrier Handbook It is said that a few dogs have as much energy as the lively Jack Russell terrier. This pet manual gives all the specifics on this hunting breed, including feeding, housing, health care, training, and grooming.

Went to Target Boutique in North Hills, ran into Brownie, quick chat gave him is underpants, that I borrowed the night I stayed over. He seemed to like A Million Pieces. Busy week ahead.

Wed. 10.19
8 A-5 p Advisement
6-7 Break
7-8 Presentation
8:30-9:30 P WO
10 Walk Boy
Thu 10.20
8 A-10 Advisement
11-4 NCSU Hispanic Recruitment Conference
5-6 Break
6-10:30 Borders
Fri. 10.21
8 A -11 Advisement
12-230 NCSU
3-5 Advisement
5-6 Break
6-11 Borders
Sat. 10.22
7a-430p ACTTesting
5p-11:30 Borders
Sun. 10.23
REST
Mon 10.24-Friday Nov. 4 PreRegistration

Go Cocks!

The city of Columbia South Carolina is best known for its pockets of verdant greenery and massively constructed cement sidewalks. No other city is like Columbia. Planned by our friend Henry Latrobe in the late 18th century. The city was a vision of civility, charm and history; however the architectural execution of these plans falls a bit short from the blueprint.

Go COCKS! is the rally cry for the schools theme. Funny enough I didn't get the double entendre until a classmate explained it to me. When I was growing up in Puerto Rico Cockfights were a thing of everyday and they were even televised. The Melimel came into my life this way, a sweet heiress from Atlanta Georgia who was there to get her Mrs. but ended finding her true self. Today she lives 1 block from me with her lesbonic lover Kamy.

I had a qiuet evening, watched tv until I was comatose. Talk with Izzy briefly. My knee scar is itchy. Took benadryl to stop the scratching, fell asllep early.

Oh Hell Grinnell!

Loved my two years in IOWA. Loved the students and all their awesome accomplishments. These students at Grinnell were driven to excel, and they had such great ability. Never met a Grinellian that I didn't like. They are super students who want to change the world, the cool thing is that many of them do.


After running around like a banshee I finally had a minute to rest stayed home had a late breakfast. Boy and I went out to get gasoline and an oil change, my tires are shot, had a bit of a skid on friday scary. Got four new tires at BJ's. Had Dinner with Dan, Izzy and Black. Got a lovely thank you card from Connie and Black for petsitting.

A Liberal Education

Going to school in the South of Florida is tantamount to declaring your liberalism. Miami being so permissive in its culture and people. I think the heat, the humidity makes people behave like Sodom and Gomorrah and they think its OK. I love Miami, just not its noisy crowded crazy people. While attending the University of Miami, a lovely paradise located south of the city in the City of Coral Gables. An oasis of propriety and full of academics willing to impart knowledge for a price. I learned that education was something that could not be sold or bought. I worked hard and graduated with two majors and two minors in three years. Yeah for course overloads. I was also an RA, member of the honor board and tutored student athletes.

A Liberal Arts education costs money, currently going at the rate of $35K per annum. Now you might say that is steep, but remember the true and tested adage: "You get what you pay for..." UM has wonderful recreation centers, extraordinary professors and an olympic sized pool that also serves as the most popular study hall on campus.

An incomporable bargain if you ask me, where else can you get a four year Liberal Arts degree and learn how to scuba dive, be near the beach and the cultural mecca of Florida? My friend Brownie commented on the excellent Liberal Arts education that I know have as a result of my UM experience. I agree, sometimes I am a bit spoiled and call it cocktail conversation 101.
I am able to talk about almost anything and sound intelligent and seem conversant in the academics of architecture, logic, writing, literature, history, classics and pop culture trivia.

The University of South Carolina was a maturing ground. Nice to know that there is such a thing as a finishing school for gentlemen.

Had lunch with Brownie. He seems to be a bit frazzled. He'll be OK. Gave him a Copy of In a Million Pieces. I hope he reads this excellent book. I finished reading this book and believe it to be a good book, paiful in detail of the illness but thorough, concise and clear of consequences for all those involved. I have to read it again.

Boundless Ball of Energy

The boy is in the house. OK I am in love with this dog! He is so sweet he comes up to me on the sofa and asked, yes asked for pistachoes. Boy placed his paw on my leg like trying to say hit me on more time daddy. I enjoy having him home with me.

The guys came over to meet the Boy. We had a nice Greek fest brought to us by Izzy. It was so much food, we couldn't move. Dan went off to work, Izzy to putear and Roge home to rest. Tonight I am working closing at Borders. I also got a call from Mr. Hicks to do testing on Saturday. Then "Yoga" in the afternoon. It will be my second session. I will tell the teacher if I can do the third to free up my sat schedule next week. Since it is tight with testing. Ohh lord gotta walk the dog... Argh! I might need to call the Lesbeterians.

Gotta BOY!

Guess what? I got me a Jack Russell. He is one year old and his former family abandoned him to my care. His name is boy and he is a sweetie! He tells you when he needs to go out, he is crate trained. Boy loves playing and lounging around and he loves to kiss. Even Izzy liked Boy, he found him fun and playful.

Well today's topic is Markus, I hope you still read this rambling. What is the deal with you hon... I've heard through the grapevine that you've hit bottom figuratively and literally. The POT thing was and issue but more at hand was the lying, dude... children lie to cover their mistakes, you just lie because it is a habit. Stop the insanity dude, put the bong down, get a therapist, yes ; I know they are way expensive and stop this psycho serial screwing around. Half of Raleigh had your ass the other half hates it. Remember Karma, boo. Yes, I have spoken to Glenda and a few others who you did during, after and before our little short dates.

Separated at Birth?????
As for doing Bareback....do you really hate yourself that much?!?!? This is a quick way to ge the virus, for a smart guy you are sure on your way to earn a Darwin award, but sadder yet how about all the people you have infected? Think, then ACT.

After Five Long Years

My advisee and pain in the ass dstudent has declared a mojor: Whoohoo! I am working at Borders tonight. Here is the residence hall where I spent three lovely years. They are known as Hecht residential College, just like the department Store ( Same Family) and Standford College.
It was 1986, fall and I had just arrived on campus. I took two years 84-86 to decide what to go to college for, what course of study to undertake. I never committed to much so this was a big decision. So I arrive on campus and they shove me into the New Honors program and residential college. I am excited because none of those mean spirited kids from high school would be there in Miami.

Wrong! The floor was comprised of 21 rooms mostly singles, guess what they had all gone to my highschool. We hard a rocky start but after a couple of weeks and searching through my yearbook, they realized I was one of them, snooty brats who lived in NMB.

Fairly Uncomplicated

HAPPY NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY!! Today I graded papers, taught class, and set up appointments. My overall frame of mind is good. i got good news, I am getting finally paid for work I did for the testing center in July. What's that three months... no problemo.
I mentally visited the UM campus and they are getting ready for Homecoming, I wisha I could visit Miami. Mom is now in the process of moving to Orlando to live with Mickey rat and next to Ana. Tonight we are having Greek food. Love it!

Can people Be Spiritually COnnected?

I believe that God in his infinite wisdom has created spiritual connectiions amongst his creations. We as humans have a strong desire to connect, belong and be a part of a cadre. We seek this to fulfill some primal tribal need. Some of us feel this urge in a smaller way, not a necessity but a social obligation. We are all somewhat part of this grouping of humans that insist on being grouped.

I think our spirit has a need to worship, connect and be together. The desire is a thing that varies individually. Today I called Brownie and wished him a good day. After our chat, I though about him and why he's been placed in my life. No regret, just keep on learning from you teacher....

Moonbase Alpha

Did my work at Borders, I shelved 3 carts and organized a third. I like shelving there is a Zen to it. You doing alone and you place the books in order then you proceed to the section and alpha them by author, voila ce's t done.

I had a good class yesterday at ADACS, I learned about behaviors and judgement another eye opener. Had chai with Brownie. He's well. New anxieties, kinda like the moon fractured, cratered but contained in a celestial dust bin. I think of him, but mostly the focus is getting myself right. I need to go to church, I miss it. With all this work, I wonder why is it that I turned from my sprirtual side.

I have finally figured that sometimes you have to take a look away from what you love before you can truly say you love it or like it. I will call Brownie later on Moday invite him over for steak and a movie. He'll escape his little space for a few hours, good therapy.

What Have I Learned

Drinking & Driving = STUPID!!@@!!

The Jabez Prayer

"Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!"

I have grown so much this past six months. As for these five weeks, I am continuing to grace in the kindness of God and I am touched daily by his grace. Monkey wonders, I have so much to learn.

Taking ME Vitamins

I started taking vitamins about a month ago to help supplement my iron poor diet. I hope they are doing something. I certainly do not feel full of pep and vigor. This last two weeks have been hard taking on a new job. So far I like the 10-15 hours per week. I am not a workaholic, so anything over 40 hours is a drag, however I haven't felt it to be hard work at BORDERS. It seems that after 3 years they have worked out the many repetitious functions and dubiious procedures that used to irk me.

Today I am meeting with my least favored advisee, he is needy and a bit hard to swallow. He's a liar and chief manipulator. I guess I have never liked these kind of characters. I have been dreaming a lot about a friend of mine and If I hadn't said it before... I see things in my dreams not visions but vivid pictures of events that have happened or will happen.

Ever since I was a little kid, I have been troubled by some pretty serious dreams. Last night in a vivid color dream, I saw my friend head back into his cycle of drinking. He was away on a trip. He drank himself into passing out. I awoke at 3:50AM. I was upset, but then after going to the bathroom I went back to sleep. The dream continued and I saw him passed out and me just standing there, my back turned away from him.

I think there is a bit of truth to the dream, I no longer will enable my friend nor respond to his disease. My heart has not hardened by wisened to the sheer fact that in my desire to help, I did harm. Time out for me.

Monday night Lee & Kevin spoke of Antonio. That Brazilian nutcase who I dated briefly in the Fall '03 and Spring '04. Nutcase because after 40 years he had failed to come to term with beig gay but he was a swet soul. Tonio Miss you man. We made some Joyous noise.

Feeling Good

Got some good sleep last night. I will be working at Borders, I also have to grade all the papers prior to mid-term for my class. I cannot believe we are 7.5 weeks into the semester. It is flying by. My students are mostly undecided and I have three who have declared a major. This is a begining.

When I was 16, I got a job with the Local McDonald's in NMB, FL. Ronald MCDonald was not a nice guy. He truly hated kids and did not relent on being a potty mouth. This photo reminds me of his demeanor, his lack of friendliness towards the kids he was doing shows for. I remeber I was suppossed to help him as the Hamburglar, and do a magic show for a local elementary school kids. So we get in the van, the clown Ron has his face made up. He lights a cuban cigar and we are in motion. As we glide through the streets of NMB FL towards Fulford Elementary he tells me the rules of the gig.

Kids are not to talk to the clown unless they are directly addressed, Hamburglar can only giggle, there will be three boxes drawn on a chalkboard; when he gives me the signal, I am to draw an X in the first box and thus in the successive boxes. I ask him what is the purpose of the boxes and the X's. For each kid who missbehaves, talks during his presentation or reveals the trick, they will be punished by shortening the show by 10 minutes. I wonder to myself, we are only doing a 30 minute gig, that leaves the kids with a really short show. How can he get away with this crap!!

Now, I am wondering who made this kid hating clown Ronald McDonald. I had no option but to accompany this bastard to the gig. It was in my contract ...you will perform all other duties as assigned.... What did I get myself into?!??! So I agree to help the sadistic clown in debasing these poor kids. If there is a clown hell, I was there. We get to the school the kids go nuts over this child hating clown.

The show begins and he does a little intro explaining the concept of three strikes in the game of life and you are out. The kids are immediately transformed from noisy little munchkins into quiet intellectuals.. SHHHH!!! don't make Ronald mad, is overheard being whispered through the elementary school throng of kids. Ronald begins his first trick and a little fat headed kid says.. I know how he did that the flower is made of plastic and it was in his hand to begin with.... silence follows Ron gives me the signal.. I XXX out the first box, the kids draw back in fear.

The show continues, now shortened by 10 minutes, we have 20 minutes left in the gig, I am thinking shit I hope none of these brats mess this up any further, this is seriously fucked up. I already despised clowns when I was a kid. Did we need to create a whole new generation of clown haters??? So in his next trick he makes me dissapear and re-appear. A little red headed girl with thick glasses says I saw hamburglar go out the back. I giggle nervously, Ron gives the signal.

We do the last 10 minutes of the show, but the McDonalds magic is gone, the kids are afraid to laugh or clap since they have encountered the anticlown. He is not funny, nor is he clownish. I pack up my stuff get in the van he rips off his wig and says: fuck those little bastards... they make my job hell... I sit in silence scared to get the third X and be kicked out of a moving van.

I say a silent prayer hoping no one on the road pisses him off or the show is over.

The Fun Never Ceases

Did my stint at BORDERS last night. Exhausted. The good part is that I have had enough time to catch up with my grading of my class and still have time to read. I need to get some excercise, maybe I'll go dancing with a big tiger.

What you reading?

I just began reading the city of Fallen Angels by John Berendt one of my favorite authors. He discusses the happenings and events leading to the courtrrom drama of the burning of la fenice. I enjoy his daily observations of local customs, unlike the Garden of Good and Evil there is not mystical vodoo going on but there is a complex socipolitical structure entrench in the Venetian mindset, which leads to interesting characters.

I am also reading Widow of the South, the book tales the real story of a widow who cedes her land for a cementery to honour the dead in Tennessee.

Got Mine DL

Today I collected my DL and now I am taxi free wohoo. the courthouse had to disparate lines which I had to stand in simulteneously, who really comes up with this idiotoc bureaucracy. The day was quiet and the evening was spent at Kevin's & Lee's. Got home and had no calls...ahhh... Peace.

9th Inning

Today is my 9th day in a row working. I enjoyed the long week but I was exhausted on Sunday, not physically but mentally. I did not have enough energy to see Dan Dan Preach. I regret not going but I could only envision my snoring loudly in the pews, being hear over the Amens. Brownie came to collect me and I am thankful that this is the last taxi fare. I believe he's still coockoo for cocoa puffs, I also love him. This is my dilema. I love him but I know he's no good to himself or to me as a person. He's not abusive just neglectful of himself, thus others.

Go west young man was once told to Josiah Grinnell... Maybe I should...

URSUS Americanis

Well I have $200 saved for court costs. Now on monday I'll spring free my DL and then I am just to be good. I haven't had a drop of the evil liquid since. I am working my ass off at Borders and I am going to ask for more hours so I can have $600 for court cost. If I have any xtra $$ I will give it back to Brownie so I can repay him. I am reading Magical Thinking and it has been eye opening for me to realize that all the users and abusers of alcohol have made me a child of alcoholics. Thank God for Mom being sober. I haven't spoken with her since I am so frustrated with her sale of the condo.