Feeling Good

Got some good sleep last night. I will be working at Borders, I also have to grade all the papers prior to mid-term for my class. I cannot believe we are 7.5 weeks into the semester. It is flying by. My students are mostly undecided and I have three who have declared a major. This is a begining.

When I was 16, I got a job with the Local McDonald's in NMB, FL. Ronald MCDonald was not a nice guy. He truly hated kids and did not relent on being a potty mouth. This photo reminds me of his demeanor, his lack of friendliness towards the kids he was doing shows for. I remeber I was suppossed to help him as the Hamburglar, and do a magic show for a local elementary school kids. So we get in the van, the clown Ron has his face made up. He lights a cuban cigar and we are in motion. As we glide through the streets of NMB FL towards Fulford Elementary he tells me the rules of the gig.

Kids are not to talk to the clown unless they are directly addressed, Hamburglar can only giggle, there will be three boxes drawn on a chalkboard; when he gives me the signal, I am to draw an X in the first box and thus in the successive boxes. I ask him what is the purpose of the boxes and the X's. For each kid who missbehaves, talks during his presentation or reveals the trick, they will be punished by shortening the show by 10 minutes. I wonder to myself, we are only doing a 30 minute gig, that leaves the kids with a really short show. How can he get away with this crap!!

Now, I am wondering who made this kid hating clown Ronald McDonald. I had no option but to accompany this bastard to the gig. It was in my contract ...you will perform all other duties as assigned.... What did I get myself into?!??! So I agree to help the sadistic clown in debasing these poor kids. If there is a clown hell, I was there. We get to the school the kids go nuts over this child hating clown.

The show begins and he does a little intro explaining the concept of three strikes in the game of life and you are out. The kids are immediately transformed from noisy little munchkins into quiet intellectuals.. SHHHH!!! don't make Ronald mad, is overheard being whispered through the elementary school throng of kids. Ronald begins his first trick and a little fat headed kid says.. I know how he did that the flower is made of plastic and it was in his hand to begin with.... silence follows Ron gives me the signal.. I XXX out the first box, the kids draw back in fear.

The show continues, now shortened by 10 minutes, we have 20 minutes left in the gig, I am thinking shit I hope none of these brats mess this up any further, this is seriously fucked up. I already despised clowns when I was a kid. Did we need to create a whole new generation of clown haters??? So in his next trick he makes me dissapear and re-appear. A little red headed girl with thick glasses says I saw hamburglar go out the back. I giggle nervously, Ron gives the signal.

We do the last 10 minutes of the show, but the McDonalds magic is gone, the kids are afraid to laugh or clap since they have encountered the anticlown. He is not funny, nor is he clownish. I pack up my stuff get in the van he rips off his wig and says: fuck those little bastards... they make my job hell... I sit in silence scared to get the third X and be kicked out of a moving van.

I say a silent prayer hoping no one on the road pisses him off or the show is over.