Turning in Time & Effort Sheets

Every month I have to submit to the grant writer proof of my deeds. Basically an hourly accounting of what I did each month. This is not my favorite thing to do but I manage to do it the week prior to the submission deadline. My boss Ms. summers in the fall, always manages to missplace it. Now I say always because without failure every month she says: " Oh Lordy, Morell I don't know what I did with it! I know you turn it in but I can't find it. Why is that this happens every month????"

I stand there speechless for what the little voice which we never hear outloud is screaming: "Look you crazy bitch, maybe if you cleaned off your desk you would find it and the ones from the past six month and your missing grandkid!!" However what I say is more like: "I don't know misstress, me thinks there is a black hole that has swallowed the form" She usually laughs and asks me to print out a new one.

I of course gladly to do it. Deep in my mind I know that it will not affect my payment or the disbursement of my salary, but I don't want to tempt fate.

Yesterday my co-worker, Barky got promoted to the coordinator for testing. I am happy for her, worried, but happy. She has been placed under the tutelage of the evil Sith Lord Darth Bullhock. Darkness lies within the force of that one. She is the Sith Lord of micromanagemet and frustration.

Brownie gave me such good council to weave my way out of a posible nasty situation of going under Darth Bullhocks command. He told me to reveal my crazyness to one of her former underlings and that she would gossip and then I would not have to face her darkness. It worked like a charm. I am the crazy Puertorican, toiling away in the corner office with the good view. Who is the sucka now!

Poop on the Deck

If you were a pirate would you laugh at that? I would... I still laugh when I hear butt pirate...Class is going well. I have a busy weekend ahead. Going to pay the mortgage argh! Matey!

I am also currently reading Augusten Burroughs newest book Magicall Thinking It is one of his funniest books. I jus finished reading a book on New Orleans. Fascinating city.

I am going to be Ottey (OK)

I worked Borders last night very uneventful did 2 reg shifts 2 infos, I like being there did something bad bought myself a movie, but it made me happy to see it last night. A home at the end of the world is an excellent view at existential agst as well as the value of life long frienships. I had dinner with Rog, he seems less clingy to his beau, its taken him 3 months, in that time I have processed 6 contestants in the game of life, kissed a few wienners, and dispatched the loosers.

A Sensible Mindfuck

I have been playing Caesar for over six months today all of the sudden my computer refused to play it. Could it be that I need to get a new game. I took the disc out ran it through again and still it wouldn't play. I then took it out again and blew on it. It then proceeded to run as if nothing. Weird. Roger is feckless, Glenn is needy, Brown is Brown, Black has his doggie, Izzy got his groove back, Dan is mad, simply mad I tell you.

Eating with Brown

Today was the most unventful day by far. As described by my witty boss: " It is like watching paint dry" And certainly she was correct. I saw two students and they were seniors so their concerns were mostly about the future and graduation. No scared freshmen, to tell you the tales of woe that it is to party into the early morning on sunday and miss classes. I had a nice dinner with my friend Brown, we discussed the latest neurosis that has crept into my life had a sensible salad and chatted about his dog Cleo. I got home and worked out, played Caesar and then went to sleep, By 11 PM I was out and slept soundly.

The Sweet Pup goes Evil

Well she is too much. Love her but I am happy her dad is taking her home. She didn't poop. I am a stickler for doggies gotta poop. For them to just not poop is not right. Needless to say, when she finally did the dastardly deed it was as if she had saved some from days previous. I had a peaceful languid sunday evening and I enjoyed sitting at home reading a marvelous book... A Home at the End of the World. Last night I spoke to glenn after 12 mindnight. Glenn is a bit interesting a connundrum wrapped in a sundried tomato tortilla. I wanted to tell him that it was nice to hear his voice, but the lack of clarity to his purpose for calling failed me. He said he knew Markus, that poor desperate souls he seeks without hesitancy to replace his lost heart.
I guess they didn't hit it off could it be the ashtray aftertaste of his langurious kisses. Ha! I think that could be it no malice towards you Markus but you cannot play a player. Just so we are clear, I am a serial monogamist, and I enjoy doing my deed one at a time. Simple mind, simple people, simple deeds.

So go find yourself whomever you are pretending to be, as of today, you are sad and alone think why, for those who weave a web to deceive are doomed to relive their lies. Enjoy!

Calling All Spotted Butts

I am dogsitting the most sweet pup in the world. Connie belongs to Black and he loves this sweet dog. the cool part is that she is a sweetie, and so easy to play with and entertain. Tonight we are going for a long walk and watch Battlestar Galactica together. Last night she slept with me in my bed until I fell asleep. So nice to have a cute dog in the house.

Corre con tizoras

Pues despues de la detenida por la poli tuve un ataque de nervios fue todo como una version de un guion escrito por Almodovar. Esa noche fui procesado y encarcerado por el idiota de marron. Fue mi culpa el guiar pero yo no estaba pensando muy aclaro despues de el haberse metido de mamao en el bano. Pense que me habia dejado el hijo de puta.

Una cosa siguo a la otra y pues estuvimos juntos por otra vez. Aqui termina el relato del Almodovar y empieza la historia nueva. Yo no quiero a marron y a sus vicios. La verdad es que no lo soporto por haberme involucrado en su vida. Ya quiero una distancia de su vida y su locura. Y pues la he construido co mi indepencia y espero que ambos hemos aprendido algo.

Paga al abogado

Hoy le hize un pagare al abogado que me va ha ayudar ha salir de este lio, bueno quizas. El senor Marron mi buen amigo y compadre del crimen me ha dado unos $1,500 para hacer el pagare de las cuentas del abogado y me ha dicho que yo soy dichoso y tengo la gran responsabilidad de pagar los costos de la corte. Bueno por eso he regresado ha Borders para guardar el dinerito que voy ha necesitar para rescatar mi dignidad y buen nombre. Aqui en los Estados Unidos de Norte America es un crimen horible manejar un vehiculo cuando uno esta intoxicado.

En el 3 de septiembre yo pense que el senor Marron estabo borracho y le ofresi a manejar su carro, yo estabo festejando tambien. Antes de nuestra partida el vomito fuera del carro y yo le tome la iniciativa y dije que con esa borrachera el no iba a conducir su carro. Llame a un amigo Izzy y en el proceso descubri que mi amigo le dio sus servicios bucales a otro tio en el bar. Me senti muy apenado y enojado por este hombre que se mete con cualquira para chuparse una polla.

Bueno pues yo empece a manejar y el senor Marron me dice que tenia que cambiar de carril para llegar a su condo pues lo hize y de repente la poli llego y me pidieron que me saliera del carro. Pues que horor.

Back at BORDERS & Loving It!

Today I returned to BORDERS. It was fun working the new POS and learning all their Tech I enjoyed the PT bookseller position. So here I go. Izzy and I cooked out last night and saw Mala Educacion. Love the movie and Izzy was great company.

Apio Verde to me Happy Birthday!

Hoy es mi cumpleanos. Si soy 39 y viejo pero estoy muy contento de mi edad. He aprendido mucho. Estoy leyendo un libro de historia 1776 y una novela grafica.

Happy Pre Birthday

Slept like a lumbering bear all night. My thoughts are at peace and in synch with the time of the year. e-mail from Brown invite to din din accepted. Party at work for my B-day. Joy! It was nice and fun.

Borders Redux

Music, Coffee and Books, that is what first brought me to the doors of BOrders after three years I am taking a PT job there to help me be less wound up and more focussed. I am happy to have the opportunity to return to the bookselling world, I enjoy the reading customers and their finesse for what is written. I hope I cando 10-15 hours per week so I can enjoy, the experience. I have been told that since I was such a good egg in Cary, working in Raleigh will be a gas. Lest it be said, I enjoyed working for the store, making coffe and answering the phone three years ago. I hope it is now different and less of a shock to my system.
The culture of the Cary bookstore was less than welcoming and I felt like I was under siege due to my newness to the Borders crunchy, ecclectic, granola crowd. Cary was fun but full of days that were well just plain tiresome. I missed the first Borders in Champaign Urbana, such a neat little store without crazy co workers trying to take your desk away. Yes in Cary as a manager I had to share my desk with this silly woman who always stuck food... yes food and let it spoil in the drawer. Ick. Yeah for having no desk.

Driving to work

It has been almost two weeks since I have been behind the wheel. Today I got the angst all out and decided that tomorrow will be my day to drive. I have an interview with Borders on Thursday and I am testing on Saturday. Needless to say a full schedule. My first Lesbians, Kat & Mel want to go to dinner to Cheesecake. I guess we'll go on saturday. Work out all week with Dan and Izyy feel great went to the Dr found nothing can we say Hypochondriac....

Sleeping Restfully

Sleeping peacefully and in still repose. Delight unequalled in these territories. I am off to work the test. My centeredness has returned. I am calm, cool and collected just like I was 21 and the UM residence Hall fire alarm is going off. I know what to do, how to assist my students to evacuate and I am ready to perform all my duties. I feel steady without a flinch for my task ahead.

Izzy is busy with trying to get his career going. Dan is good new home, bless him. Rog is less self centered but more focussd on God, MelKat are here and present, Mike is growing in his doubt of all things, Black is black, Blueyes is forgiven and away, Markus is distant and searching, the ex is silent for all these things be it praised to him elohim.

Weekend Plans

I am taking it easy this weekend. Doing a test in the AM on Saturday then going home and chilling out after that. As for Friday no PLANS, staying home and watching BSG on the Tele. I have a blueyes free weekend. I am praying he doesn't drink in TN but I realize that he is just a friend not my problem. Yes, I have said it. He is the master and maker of his own designs. I am a casual observer of the human condition. My role as FRIEND is to support and listen to his trips and falls but not get too deep into the muck of his affairs.

From a distance I can be more objective, functional and able to assist If required.

Stress shmesh

Busy today LASO meeting at 12:30, files and folders coming out of my desk drawers and to boot Borders called for a PT opportunity. I set up my education class for Sat 2-4:30 in October. I hope all this can be balanced out. Got to go to the doc still waking up all night. I am in prayerful contemplation for God's grace upon me and his kindness.

Blueyes came through again yesterday and helped me. I never imagined his ability to be such a helper. He really has been a stupendous help through this. Today everything is coming up roses.

Teaching and Learnig

Today I start the meat and potatoes of teaching. I am hoping that the students are receptive to the lesson. Going to work out to relieve stress.

Patience=Progress

I am being more patient today that yesterday. I am at peace and I do not feel anxious. My first day like this in a while. Everything is moving along and progressing Went to work out with Izzy.

Remember 9.11

Thank you blueyes for you kindness. Your support concern and care yes your care is comforting. Why did it take a horrible turn in events to make us realize what and who we care for. Yes I love all my friends and I have continued to care for them equally through this majestically painful process. I am learning to give, love, reject my pride and accept that i do not control anything. I am at the will of Christ. I pray for the souls lost on 9.11 and their loved ones to.

I wish that chaos was not the only way we humans look within to find ourseves.

I called Black had a great dinner all is better. I wish I could forget all that has happened.

The Analysis

Well I am not a substance abuser. Not even an ocassional user. LOL! I had to pay$100, which a kind soul has lent me to hear those words. I cannot describe how Despondent this makes me feel. Againg thank you Blueyes, I want to ask you for a hug or something to let you know that I will be OK. Thanks Rogir for your comforting words, they were right and needed. Slept really restless. I need a freaking HUG!

I also tols Blueyes that I was going to re-start my routines, will dine with Black in the morrow. All is better not just right, but better.

How can an anchor go adrift...

The waves of uncertainty have posessed the anchor which I guard it has been set adrift in a maelstrom of difficulties. I pray to find calmer water and ask God to see that I am still his child. I look toward the towers of water that befall me. I accept his grace swiftly as my boat is rocked violently. I wake constantly from my dreams no longer searching but knowing that the storm will pass. My anchor is Christ, I will always have that in my life.

The Long Road Ahead

Another shitty night for sleep. Morpheus refuses to sleep with me. The tired feeling of lack of sleep makes me edgy. I am taking care of all the minutae that the attorney has asked me to do. Thank you blueyes for being a steady firm center to anchor on. My panic attacks have subsided, staying home tonight going for a professional evaluation tomorrow.

The light at the End of the Tunnel is Not a Train

I met with the attorney relief is to be breathed. I have seen kindness and compassion as well as patience exude from Blueyes. Is it possible that his heart has changed anew, renewed through my prayers I hope.

I Am Angry

I am mad at myself for the lack of good sense. I am mad at Black for his rightous lecture, I am Mad at Dans for his Christian kindness, I am Mad at Izzy for his acceptance, I am mad at Blueyes for his cooperation and improved communication.

I am dissapointed in my actions, I am frustrated with my passion. I am tired of my inaction.

I am seizing the day and wrestling my fortune away from the doldrums which I have decided to impart in my life. I am taking action and cleaning the table again.

My Friends

Their support is unparalelled. I am going to be ok. Black, Dans and Blueyes as well as Izzy have all re assured me that I am not going to fall through the huge cravass I have made for myself. I stand here and admit that though Black says I threw the rope to help blueyes and I fell in... I don't agree. It is right for a christian to take the pains of his brother. Better for me to endure this pain, and walk away anew.

I am sleeping like crap and waking every hour is this what despair feels like Lord?

The Shame and Axiety is never Ending

Argh! I really have created a mess. Emotionally, psychologically. I cannot believe that I am still freaking out over what happened. I need to chill out.

I confessed

I am either losing my grasp on reality or I have confessed to my shame how I felt about blueyes rats. I think it is best to explain that what happened friday was the closes to a scene from Caligulas movie. A great time of fun and partying, followed by regret, and horrid actions. I am so relieved that I told him why I was angry the genie is out of the bottle. However, I do not think he understands the full consequences of his actions and mine. Shit!

The Wages of Sin

As of 3:30 AM this morning I have seen and experienced the wages of sin. The partying has resulted in serious legal ramifications and a serious wake up call for me. I think that all this is a clear message that there is a series of consequences for the wages of sin.

Going to Party

Today I am celebrating a long asses month of August

Say Hot!

Today the AC broke at work. I thought I was working in a sweat shop. Hot Stinky and full of xtra piece work. Argh. My crazy friends are bananas all call me and want me to analyze their crisis. Markus hasn't called! Blueyesasked me to go to IKEA with him sounds like a barrel of fun.