Ruminations

I ran into Jamie an ex of Brownie and he told me that pretty much Brownie has been on a year of self destruction with alcohol and his behaviors. I thanked him for his honest insights and also confessed that I fell for this guy. Not out of a desire to save and help him, but as a frienship developed from the carnal component; I saw a human being just like my uncle Joe or my dad pained by his poor choices and unwilling to face them in a sober manner. Jamie told me about phonecalls to pick him up from the bars and how he refused. That is where I disagree. Alcoholics should never be refused a ride. It is inconvenient tio have to wake up and pick up a drunk, but the option of them getting behind the wheel and taking another life is no option at all.

I have expiated my inner demons when it comes to Brownie. I called him but at Greta Garbo once said: "She needs to be alone..." His desire for seclusion and exclusion really echo of the isolation that people under extreme duress suffer when they are not societally connected. Perhaps in the final analysis I fell in love with someone who did not love himself and projected this throughout his many bouts with depression and blackouts.

My desire is not to be Brownie's caretaker. This would be a full-time job. I also do not desire to fix what is broken. I neither have the patience or desire to mend the small fracture pieces of a 42 year old life. My desire is to extend a helping hand when needed and to be as unitrusive as posible. Brownie is and will always b a friend. We are linked by common experiences and a brief respite of madness which I call life. Is he crazy, perhaps... Is he loved? indubitably.

As for James Frey... I am mad at you for enhancing your real life with fictional accountings of what really happened. It is your life and your account though not entirely false or true strikes various discordant cords within my psyche. I do understand why you wnated the book to be fiction rather that self-recovery. It touched me and many readers who believed that you set yourself free from drugs and alcohol. My friend Leonard was a welcome cpastone to an already full story. Even Brownie liked it. I am thinking about you James Frey.

Tonight, I worked at Borders. It was very tedious and slow. Did two info's and two reg's. At info you must answer the phone, check the e-mail box for online in store orders, answer customer questions, re-shelve all books, magazines or product that are foreign and abandoned. Shelve, keeper & chicklet new books, DVD's and toys. Make sure no one molests the store's mascot. Monitor the in store music, watch for thieves and finally keep the manager's entertained.

At the register: You greet the entering customer, ring up the exiting customer, keep the FOS straight and neat. Wrap gifts for customers, provide resources for the confused shopper and make change when necessary. Not bad work if you can get it.