Building a Shed

Last week was full of chaos and uncertainty. I asked a good friend to help me build a shed to store my lawnmower and assorted garden crap. My friend is a sexy motherfucker who I still had the hots for, we'll he agreed. As you might find out about me I am a bit of a neat freak and I helped this person clean around his house for a while. I don't claim to be an innocent nor am I a holier than thou kind of dude, I had some pretty graphic and lurid images running through my head while running around and helping out. Well I guess one thing led to another and I was able to share his bed.

He thinks that I am nuts to even try putting up with his shit. I don't see it like that. Yes I am upfront with him when he disses me or pissess me off. I just can't be the genteel southerner and keep it all welled up. Anyhow, this man worked his ass off building a honest to goodness picture perfect platform for my shed. At the end of the day he walked into the sunset and he was gone for the day.

I do worry about him and how he's doing. I care for him and his soul. He is not an angel he is not a devil. In a conversation earlier last week he said he didn't know if I was an angel or a devil and that sometimes my personae is overwhelming. I agree on all counts. I am definitely not an angel nor a devil. Just a soul that has been burned and bourned anew. It took seven long and painful years to see how living and Dating Steve was a mistake.

He hated himself and there was nothing I could do to change this. After that painful episode in my life I realized that, I can't change you and that's all good, just let me go along in the journey and let me learn. Don't shut me out because you think it hurts... it hurts because you are alive and that is pain. What we gain from this pain is the feeling of being alive. Having senses deadened by former lovers somehow makes us brothers. Throught the pain of these failures we need to learn to grow not callous and affected but sincere emotions not dejected.

I called Steve and told him about Uncle Joe's passing. He sounded sad not affected, just sad, that's Steve.