Apes Run Amok

OK, I got up at 4:30 AM to escape from the Planet of the Apes. I love my family but I want my house back. Last night they broke my food disposal, my alarm clock, changed my answering machine message and pretty much destroyed my sanity. I love them but next time I'll save myself some aggravation by driving them Nuts and going to Miami. Mom was great and landscaped my entire garden and Aunt Tootsie got me some nifty widchimes and birdhouses. I am tired and I have a filthy house. Woe is me.

I stayed up until 1:30 AM sweeping and sanitizing my kitchen. My roomie did a great job at planting some of the flowers and plants we selected at Logan's Trading Company. I sinished the last load of laundry at 2 am. Je suis defame.

Monkeys Everywhere

My family can be compared to a troop of very wicked monkeys. They get into everything my drawer for my drawers, the photos around the house and my medicine cabinet. Lord please help me.

Someday Sunday

Long day, went to state Capitol, City Market, Toured Saint Aug's and finally went by the house to rest. They are sweet but they are running me ragged. I think i need sleep, my aunt and Mom are going to the bathroom every 10 minutes in the middle of the night and slam the door. I am sleeping in my sofa sleeper in the living room and all the noise keeps me awake. Argh!

The Arrival of the Mischief Making Monkeys

My mom and three aunts arrived last night. They brough food and drinks as if Miami was the only place one could gather these staples. Aunt Aida looks good and so does Toosie but my uncle Martin looks like hes struggle with cancer wore him out. He still is funny and very sensitive. My mom is a redhead now. My brother and I ofteen do a bit of betting on what is our mother's hair real color. Unbelieveable, I think its black. Aunt Ana drove and shes tired but like a trooper hoped on the explorer and went to the History Museum in Raleigh, we had lunch at Cloos after shopping at the farmers market. After lunch we headed to the flea market in the NC State Fairgrounds. busy busy busy. The capstone of this evening was having Dan and Dave Black over for dinner. Also Melissa and Kat came over for dinner.

Blue Eyes Visits

Blue eyes came by tonight. He was king caring & sensitive. Brought along a great meal and wonderful aperitifs. He somehow hit the spot with the food and then helped me plant a storm of plants throughout my little parcel. He has impressed me with the positive changes he has made in his life. I wish him success and happiness.

I also still find him attractive, he is sexy and those killer eyes. Pizza was good and the conversation was even better. I think that he's learning to care for his new dog and he stated that perhps he'll learn to care about people too. Well, I do think of him very fondly. he touched my heart.

Dealing with Life Challenges

I found out last night that Mom, my aunt and uncle are coming to visit me in Raleigh, NC. I am so excited!! I have been busy building a storage shed, helping out a good friend with some life coaching and meeting new people to date. My most recent date was phenomenal.

JO was funny, intelligent and easy to get along. I will ask him out again for wednesday. I think I am finally over blueeyes. His behaviors reached a breaking point. I just pray and patiently think that G-d has issued a challenge for me. Everytime the challenge presents itself I walked away. I need to stand firm and confront the fear and flight of dealing with life challeges.

I think it is because I hate being lied to and having people who are dishonest with themselves. It is exhausting!!!

Meltdowns are fun

Dan had a bad day yesterday and I stayed on the phone with him until hewas calm and less prone to kill his supervisor. I am thankful to God that even though my work environment is not perfect it is not unbearable. I think an ocassional meltdown is fun it helps solidify one's beliefs and ability to endure the unendurable.

Going to Church

Went to church and enjoyed the lovely sermon by pastor Belva. Joy count it all Joy!

Liars, Liars, Liars

The only weakness I see in dating men is that most of them are liars. Few men are actually truthful and ocassionally you run into a soul who just plain out can't help it. Patience, perserverance and faith.

Building a Shed

Last week was full of chaos and uncertainty. I asked a good friend to help me build a shed to store my lawnmower and assorted garden crap. My friend is a sexy motherfucker who I still had the hots for, we'll he agreed. As you might find out about me I am a bit of a neat freak and I helped this person clean around his house for a while. I don't claim to be an innocent nor am I a holier than thou kind of dude, I had some pretty graphic and lurid images running through my head while running around and helping out. Well I guess one thing led to another and I was able to share his bed.

He thinks that I am nuts to even try putting up with his shit. I don't see it like that. Yes I am upfront with him when he disses me or pissess me off. I just can't be the genteel southerner and keep it all welled up. Anyhow, this man worked his ass off building a honest to goodness picture perfect platform for my shed. At the end of the day he walked into the sunset and he was gone for the day.

I do worry about him and how he's doing. I care for him and his soul. He is not an angel he is not a devil. In a conversation earlier last week he said he didn't know if I was an angel or a devil and that sometimes my personae is overwhelming. I agree on all counts. I am definitely not an angel nor a devil. Just a soul that has been burned and bourned anew. It took seven long and painful years to see how living and Dating Steve was a mistake.

He hated himself and there was nothing I could do to change this. After that painful episode in my life I realized that, I can't change you and that's all good, just let me go along in the journey and let me learn. Don't shut me out because you think it hurts... it hurts because you are alive and that is pain. What we gain from this pain is the feeling of being alive. Having senses deadened by former lovers somehow makes us brothers. Throught the pain of these failures we need to learn to grow not callous and affected but sincere emotions not dejected.

I called Steve and told him about Uncle Joe's passing. He sounded sad not affected, just sad, that's Steve.

La Vida Loca Quatre

While living in Puerto Rico I suvered of all the maladies of living on a small tropical Island. I was sunburnt for 8 of my 9 years living there. We would go to the beach on a sunday morning, My father's version of church and not leave until we were fully crisped. Around 8 PM we would lather up in Noxema and hope not to stick to the sheets. It will be a miracle if i don't develop some skin cancer in the next couple of years.

We live in a four bedroom two story ranch. Marc my brother shared adjoining rooms in the same hallway and had a bathroom to ourselves. Marc was always the coolest Kat. Nothing ever disrupted his groove. We had waterbeds and an AC unit in each room. The finer luxuries were wall to wall carpeting and our own closet. Marc hated cleaning the bathroom but I sorta like the mess I made with the Ajax all over the floor. Mom would inspect and a bit of a mommie dearest moment would take place if it wasn't up to specs

Joe is Gone

My uncle Joe passed away on Saturday, May 7, 2005. He will be missed. He was kind, funny, intelligent and he had the most remarkable blue eyes. He lived with my mother, his sister for the last eight years of his life. They were inseparable. My mom would go shopping and he would serve as her locator compass whenever I called. Our last conversation on Wednesday 5.4.05: "Is Mom there Uncle Joe? Joe said "one minute" and handed her the phone.

It might not sound like much of a conversation but we had and implicit understanding, Joe was Joe. Nothing less nothing more, no pretense of what or who he was. He was a generous soul, a great listener, a father figure, he is missed. Not much for bullshit or stories. He lived a full life: Vietnam, two sons and thousands of memories. His favorite singer Tito Rodrigues always sang beautiful sad songs and melancholic ballads.

Uncle Joe was a constant in an uncertain world. Joe was always there for his baby sister. Through failed marriages, work difficulties and condo board fights. Uncle Joe thanks for being there when my father failed, thanks for your kindness, acceptance and listening ear. I know you and grandma are together talking away.

I Miss

I miss your soft supple masculine backside as it rises and writhes in pleasure and ecstasy. The long sinews of your arms and muscles on your shoulders slowly moving as I thrust alongside you. I Miss. The joy felt, the happiness, your satiated smile. The sheer manly satisfaction of feeling a small inner peace, a bit like reaching the outer edges of a physical Shangri-La. I Miss. The journey, the sweat and spit conmingled, the passion, the release, the toes all arching inwards as we gasp. I Miss.

Losing My Edge

A friend (bastard) told me last night that I was a black haired blond... Deep down, well maybe not so deep or down. I have the propensity to get the dropsies and mostly I am a klutz and forget my keys, cell phone or some other inane misgiving of forgetfullness.